Being Imperfect
by Lynn2744
Summary: Eddie knows he isn't perfect and he never will be for Jill. The car ride back to Amberwood after dropping Sydney at Adrian's in the Firey Heart. Rated T for some language.


**I don't know about any of you guys but I have been dying for some JillxEddie stuff.**

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><p>As soon as Sydney stepped out of the car I thought I would be ready for anything. That's how they had trained us: to be prepared for anything and to put them first. They always came first and those words had been running in my mind the entire way to Adrian's apartment.<p>

I knew there was a lot to talk about with Jill, but I just couldn't make sentences form. I kept going back to the feel of her lips on mine. I mean, I'd thought about it before—maybe a little too much—but my imagination had nothing on the real thing. The feel of actually holding her with her small frame completely pressed against me, the way she had sighed when I kissed her back, and—dammit! I cringed. This had to stop. I couldn't protect her if I was constantly think about...other things.

I'd known as soon as I saw the fog cover the Strigoi's face that she was there. A wave of fear rushed over me and I suddenly felt like the Strigoi hadn't even landed a blow. Every part of my body suddenly felt numb and my hits became faster and harder. There was absolutely_ no way_ that Strigoi was ever touching her. I was completely enraged. How could she be so careless? She could have been killed or turned. What was she even thinking?

I hadn't noticed that I had been making a face, but she did.

"Ok, I know you're still mad. Just say so. I'm begging you. Say anything, please. Don't suppress everything like they taught you," she was hysterical by this point. "I know that's what you've always been taught, but Eddie please. I—" She cut herself off almost physically biting her tongue. It was an old habit she had, she had finally stopped really biting her cheek only a month ago.

"Sydney told me, ok?" She continued. "I know you don't think that...that you're _worthy_ of me. Do you honestly think I'm so petty as to think less of you because you aren't Moroi?" She spat the words at me and my head spun a little. So she knew now. Damn.

She continued, "I don't care about all the royal politics and stupid rules. I don't care what they say I have to be, I want...to be with you," she nearly whispered. I could tell she had started crying now and it cut through any mask I had thought I could maintain.

"Jill..." I said strained. My throat felt like it had knives in it. I saw her anger flare and her fists tighten.

"I don't understand Eddie. All you Guardians ever think about is putting us first. You've said it a million times: you come first, it's my job to protect you, blah blah blah. You always say how you won't let anything hurt me, but this, this hurts Eddie."

I swallowed and tried to keep calm. Hurt her? I had _hurt _her? My hands gripped the steering wheel tighter as a lite rain splashed onto the windshield. I was supposed to protect her not hurt her. How could I have hurt her? She was the single-most glorious thing I had ever seen. When she walked into a room she was all I could concentrate on. I liked to blame that on being a guardian, but I knew that wasn't the only reason. She was beautiful in every single way. I didn't understand how someone so tall could be so beautiful and graceful. She had always considered herself to be awkward and uncoordinated, but I knew that she was heavenly. There was no one on this entire planet—Moroi, dhampir, or human—that would ever be half as beautiful as she was.

I could never tell her that though. She doesn't get it, I'm a _dhampir_ and she's a _princess._

I felt a rage start to boil in my stomach. Maybe it was just all the adrenaline from the fight or the way her voice sounded so hurt or maybe it was just the complete unfairness of the whole racial issue. I jerked the car into the next drive and jumped out of the car. Maybe this was a breach of guardian protocol, maybe I was just being a teen aged boy for just a second. I walked over to her door and pulled it open.  
>"Eddie, wha—" she stopped when she saw me. I felt the rage coiling, cold and deep, in my gut. I didn't stop it though, I didn't want to. I pulled her out of the car and pushed her against it. She was so close now I could feel the heat coming off her mixing with the rain.<p>

"Jill," I said harshly, so harsh that I barely recognized my own voice. "There is one thing I need you to understand. I'm only going to say it once. I never, _never_ meant to hurt you. I spend everyday keeping you from any harm. I didn't even think...I didn't think I could hurt you this way. I didn't even think you saw me as more than the muscle that kept you alive." I took a breath and was practically gasping in our close proximity. The smell of her perfume mixed with her skin and my head started spinning.

I took a breath through my mouth trying to concentrate, "And second," I breathed heavily. God, she smelled good.

"Second, you are the most magnificent creature I have ever seen. I've never seen someone come so far in such a short time. It still amazes me how you went from the scared, young girl at St. Vald's to this beautiful, sexy, and all around glorious person. Jill, I—I love you. I love everything about you. I'm enraptured by you. I spend so much time thinking how I wish things were different. That I was good enough for you. I want it so badly it hurts. I know that it hurts you and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never meant for that."

I literally started panting then as she slid her delicate hands to my back and pulled me closer to her.

"I know that, Eddie. I really do," she said quietly. We were so close, so tantalizingly close. I put my hands on her face.

"I can't do this Jill. You're the Dragomir princess, I'm just a silly Guardian. I'll never be good enough for all the Moroi—" she put a finger to my lips and shushed me.

"I don't care if you're good enough for the Moroi, you're perfect or me," she said with a heated look in her eyes. I felt my self-control completely fly out the window. I grabbed the hand that was on my lips and pinned it to the car. I didn't even realize I what I was doing at first. I just looked into her eyes with a longing that I hadn't ever seen before. Her lips were the only thing that mattered right then. The feel of her against me and the soft gasps when I pushed against her harder.

She wound her fingers into my hair and pulled a little. I gave a small grunt and bit down on her lip. She giggled and pulled back for a second.

"I've never seen you this..." she thought for a moment with an astonished look on her face. "Untamed."

"You haven't seen anything yet," I said, voice low and animalistic.

She laughed a little, but looked nervous, and pulled me back to her. I let my hands wander down her endless legs as I pulled them up around my waist. If it was even possible at this point she was even more astonished. A small gasp escaped her and I felt her hands going down to my shirt's hem. She tugged at it a little. I smiled and kissed her lightly.

"Not yet, Jill. Not yet," I said. She huffed a little but she threw her arms back around my neck.

"Does that mean there will be a next time?" She asked as she trailed small kisses down my neck and as far as the button up Amberwood shirt would go. I pulled back as I considered. Would there be a next time? I pulled back as I considered.  
>"I don't know Jill," I finally said. "I really don't know. I just need some time" I let her down then and she adjusted my shirt.<p>

"Ok," she said simply. "I can wait. Waiting's half the fun," she said coyly.

"You've been in Adrian's head to much," I laughed a little and took a step back. She stepped away from the car as I shook the water out of my hair.

She kissed me one more time and went back into the car. I walked around slowly trying to control my body. It didn't exactly enjoy stopping there. I sat in the drivers seat and started the car.

We drove back to Amberwood in comfortable silence.

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><p><strong>I love them. I really do. Can't help it. <strong>


End file.
